


Reflections

by Chrononautical



Series: Endless Apocrypha [2]
Category: Lucifer (TV), The Sandman (Comics)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Gen, Season/Series 01 Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-21
Updated: 2017-02-21
Packaged: 2018-09-26 02:22:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,053
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9857744
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chrononautical/pseuds/Chrononautical
Summary: Amenadiel  brings Malcolm back to life, but he never promises redemption. From the first breath, Malcolm knows that his time on earth is limited, and his time in hell will be infinite.





	

**Author's Note:**

> In the Sandman comics, Despair of the Endless lives in a house of infinite mirrors through which she watches the people that belong to her. Sometimes a despairing soul looks into a mirror and sees her doing it. In my continuing desire to see the comics and the television show collide, I thought these two deserved each other.

Malcolm sees her in the hospital mirror, but she isn’t real. She can’t be real. Her skin is the color of death, gray and sagging from her flesh like the folds of an IV bag just before it’s been sucked dry by his empty, starving body. Without saying anything, she lifts a hand to her mouth, hooking her own lip with the sharp ring on her thumb. Drawing blood. 

When Malcolm misses his wheelchair—falls down hard on the floor—his wife’s arms are there immediately. Mel is so warm. Smelling like lavender and morning coffee, she helps him up with eyes full of love and concern. She’s not as real as the demon from the mirror. 

Malcolm sees her again in the mirror at the bar. It should be safe, surrounded by all of his friends, back with his old partner, but he sees her. Meeting his eyes, she smiles. Her gaping mouth is full of broken teeth. As he collapses back into his chair, the people supposedly celebrating him don’t notice. The happy conversation continues around him, an empty cacophony that he can’t follow. No one else sees her. No one else knows that hell is real. 

Daring to check, just peeking out of the corner of one eye, he sees that she’s still there. Still watching while Tony laughs along with Mel at some pathetic excuse for a joke. Neither of them know that his miraculous life is the real joke. An angel gives an asshole a break from hell just long enough to kill the Devil. If he tells them the truth will they keep laughing? If he tells them what he sees in the mirrors will they send him back to the hospital? Somehow, he knows that the flabby woman will follow him there. She is always watching, even when he can’t see the mirror. An angel brought him back to life, but she’s waiting for him in every reflection. Hell is waiting for him and there is nothing he can do. 

Sometimes she whispers. He’s not sure if she does it out loud, or if he only hears her in his mind. He is sure that it’s her. No one else can hear it, but he knows her voice now. 

“Do you think this will be the last time you taste kimchi?” 

He orders another helping. He orders six more. He eats until the pain in his stomach is so bad he can’t stand it and he vomits it all back up again. Then he rinses out his mouth and orders another plate. 

“Do you think she really wants you? Do you think any woman has ever really wanted you? She’s only letting you have her out of pity. A bad man out on parole. Such a short parole.” 

Malcolm knows that’s a lie. The fat, ugly bitch in the bathroom mirror is nothing but a liar. His wife loves him. Mel wept for him. She missed him. Of course she wants him. But there’s something in her eyes lately. Something to suggest that she knows where he was. That she knows he’s going back there. Either way it doesn’t really matter. What matters is that she does let him make love to her. He can have whatever he wants from her, whenever he wants, and it doesn’t make him feel anything at all. 

“Do you think you can really make friends with the Devil? Do you think that will make any difference when you’re back below?” 

Malcolm knows the woman tells the truth. Lucifer can’t stand him. Distaste is written in every line of the Devil’s face, in the way he holds his drink, in the set of his shoulders. Malcolm is so monumentally screwed. He’d laugh if it was happening to someone else. He does laugh. The Gray Lady, reflected in the dozen plus mirrors at Lux, laughs with him. A fiendish chorus that only he can hear. Malcolm wishes he knew why the Devil can’t see her any more than his partner could. Malcolm hopes he never finds out.

He fucked up. He’s fucked. Knowing that the angel had only promised him a reprieve, knowing that nothing he could do would ever redeem him, he’d tried to throw in with the devil. If Malcolm was already damned, he’d dared to hope that hell might go easy on him. Even after he’d been to hell. Even knowing that nothing there would ever go easy on anyone. What an idiot. Maybe if he hadn’t been such a fucking moron, if he’d been a good cop, if he hadn’t taken that first bribe back in his beat days, maybe there might have been a prayer. Now there is only Despair with her shallow, staring eyes. 

Panicking, he tries to run, get out of L.A., just stay alive as long as possible. She watches him from the rear view mirror of the car. It looks like she’s sitting placidly next to the kidnapped daughter of a woman whose only crime was being too good at her job. Trixie doesn’t see her, just cries and begs to go home. Malcolm piles sin on top of sin knowing that nothing he does will save him in the end. He hopes he won’t have to kill the kid. He hates himself, but he won’t hesitate if it comes to that. She’ll be fine. She’s a kid. What does she have to worry about? She’ll go to the good place. He almost shoots her right there before her mom turns up with the ransom, just out of spite. 

Then he kills the Devil, and he knows that even with the coin, an ace in the hole, his own personal get out of hell free card, he’s lost. Hell is always going to be there, waiting. One day he’ll slip up. Whether it’s ten years from now or ten centuries, one day he’ll be back there. Lucifer won’t be merciful. Malcolm’s gone and called attention to himself. 

Lucifer gets up. Malcolm isn’t surprised. Gutshot and dying, but he isn’t surprised. Fumbling for the coin, he sees it sparkle in Lucifer’s hand, spinning in the air as the embers turn to ash and it disappears. Gone. His last and only hope, gone. In the Devil’s red eyes Malcolm sees his reflection. 

Despair winks.


End file.
